Dude, the way grief is like "oh hey, let's not think about that thing we're actually thinking about, let's obsess and ruminate about this piddly thing that doesn't matter but suddenly is all encompassing"? Yeah, that's a headfuck. Thinking about a dead father and a ventilator? Why would you do that when there is a Camaro and cigarettes to consider instead?? This is what grief did to me, too.